My father sent this too me & I had to share!
POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma, Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an
often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent
communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable
hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour
shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports
tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue
repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and
be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this
time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small
gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must
screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of
multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize
social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be
a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million
cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for
the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end
product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial
work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this... You pay them!!! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A
balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that
college will help them become financially independent. When you die,
you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this
reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could
only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this
job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional
love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
OH... AND AS A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT... EVER!!!
