Dear Samuel,

A letter to my Sammy....

Dear Samuel,

Today was one of the most challenging days for me as a mother and I am sure that does not come to a surprise to you. Over the past month I have really tried to change my approach and parenting to with you because I know that you need me to go about things differently with you. I have take the time to explain anything and everything to you, made sure to give you plenty of mommy time, included you in household chores that you like to do even if washing the counter off now takes 15 minutes instead of 2, and made sure that we have been outside running around even if it meant I had to reapply sunblock for the 5th or 6th time that day! All of these changes and attention to detail don't seem to matter and you are still challenging me constantly. I know you are two years old and want to explore and ask why but why the HELL do you need to constantly hit, punch, pinch, bit, or kick people especially Elijah and I all we do is love you!

I want to say I am sorry for today for yelling, not being nice, and not being a better mom. There is no reason to yell at a two year old it is never going to make it better & I know you don't even hear what I am saying when I do yell. I watched and listened to you struggle to go to sleep tonight and I sat there wondering why if I was so mean to him today does he still want me to be near him & I the answer made me cry my eyes out for the last five hours & it is because I am your mommy and you love me no matter what. Tomorrow is going to be a better day I know because I am going to make it that way. Please know that if one day you are sitting on a therapists coach talking about if your mom loves you know that I do & I would do anything for my middle man but please oh please just stop being so physical!!!!

Sammy I love you,

Mommy

Not a good day....

Today was not a good day at all and that does not even really sum it up. Nothing special happened to make it that bad but nothing really happened to make it easy either. If you have been following on facebook you have heard the boys have been sick with the croup since Friday night. Our weekend sucked it was full of sick kids and sleepless nights. Monday Cookie went back to work and was about to escape the boys who want to both be held constantly, don't want to eat, hardly want to drink, and never want to sleep or watch the same movie!

The there was today....Elijah is on the mend I hope and Samuel seems to be getting worse I debated off and on if I should take him back to the doctor but finally decided to wait and see how he would be tomorrow. Well the all hell broke out, also know as Samuel crying NONSTOP for over an hour nothing at all would stop him from crying NOTHING!!!! He was a mess so in hopes of saving his life and my sanity we went for a drive so both boys could get a bit of a nap and I could get a minute. This is not my best mommy moment but a girl has to do what she needs to do I guess? Well after our hour plus ok two hour drive we got back to the house and guess what happened as soon as we got home....Samuel started crying again for at least another hour. Samuel cried until Cookie came home and at this point Cookie came home to find the three of us sitting on the floor crying. On a plus my husband must have known it was not a good day because he brought home flowers, thanks babe!!!!

So today I cried all day it seemed because after the boys finally went to bed I had an emotional meltdown of the days happenings, things that have happened, and the fate that awaits us in five weeks when baby #3 arrives! I hope that all this is just because I am pregnant and not because I am becoming an overly emotional person.

I hope the boys sleep soundly tonight and that tomorrow is a brighter day!!!

Mommy confessions

I have a few mommy confessions I need to get off my chest! Some of them seem to be on going and some have only happened once. Prior to becoming a mother I thought this job would be a piece of cake, I knew there would be some hard days but what I did not realize is there would be so many challenging days. So here is my list:
~My house house is never clean, no matter how hard I try I can never get it to stay clean!
~Elijah has a fresh streak in him that truel only comes out on me and I often feel responsible for it because I did not address it sooner!
~I am very nervous that baby #3 is going to be a girl and not going to be as beautiful as the boys, yes I think my boys are beautiful!
~Samuel and his climbing drive me crazy and I often put him in his chair and offer him a snack just to be able use the bathroom!
~Some days I am jealous that Cookie gets to go to work!
~Sometimes I use homework as an excuse to get out of the house to have some quiet time and a soup at Panera Bread!
~I long for the day we live near family that wants to be a part of the boys life and actually give us a helping hand!
~I find that I am sometime jealous of moms who do have family that can and will help them with no strings attached. It is REALLY hard to do this without any help, somedays
~Hardly ever do I sit an eat a meal I just seem to serve the entire time and that is getting old really quick.
~My boys survive on chicken nuggets, bagels, and Annie's Mac & Cheese!

I know that none of these things make me a bad mom but if I could fix just a few maybe I would be a slightly better mom for my boys!!!!!